


Memory

by jordimeryle



Category: Marvel, Thor - Fandom
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Child Loss, Loki/reader - Freeform, Memory Loss, emotional distress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 19:11:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1659266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jordimeryle/pseuds/jordimeryle





	1. Chapter 1

You step into a room brightly lit from an unknown source. This room is a bright white with some sort of glowing gold radiating from the corners. Fine furniture is spread throughout the small room and a man, tall and thin and dressed in dark greens and browns, stands in the far corner, his eyes averted from your face. You step closer cautiously and his gaze falls on you. He looks distressed, like he’s in some sort of pain. Internal, you think, because he seems to be in good health. As you step closer, you say his name, but no sound is heard. But you say his name again, you can feel it on your lips.   
He smiles at you and takes a step closer. You’re close to him now, your feet moving you automatically to him, a familiarity about him. Your fingers touch his face and his eyes closed. It’s as if you touch physically hurts him. You quickly withdraw your hand, your eyes searching his face. His eyes open and he says your name, one of his thin pale hands slipping past your hip and placing itself on the small of your back, pulling you closer to him.  
He tells you that he never meant to hurt you and his emerald eyes search your face. He watches your face change in confusion. You don’t know what he means, but you say nothing.  
He continues. He says that he never meant to strike you and brushes the faint scar on your cheekbone.   
Your hand comes up to your cheek and you can feel the small scar. How long has that been there? You’re not sure.  
He says that he’ll make it all go away, the pain he’s caused you. The hurt. He promises.  
You shake your head, not really sure what he’s implying.   
He moves your fiery hair from your face and smiles at you. You push your cheek into his hand and close your eyes. He makes a small strangled noise, like your action pains you. Your eyes open and you see that his eyebrows have knit together and his eyes are beginning to gloss. He keeps your gaze as his hand moves to the back of your head. His face relaxes as you feel your eyelids getting heavy. You cry out as a white hot pain surges from his hand through your head. You look at him, his eyes reflecting your own pain and try to mouth the word “why?”, but before you can try to speak he crushes his lips against yours and the noise that comes from him is one of painful sorrow. Your eyes close as you lose consciousness and you feel his arms leave you as you’re passed into iron-clad arms.  
“Take care of her. Take care of my love.” He says.

You sit upright in your bed, eyes wide open and mind reeling. Too real. That dream was too real. You close your eyes and flop your head back down on your pillow as your door opens and your older brother, Alastair comes stumbling in, still in his pajamas.  
“What’s wrong?” He seems on edge.  
“Nothing.” you say, eyes still closed.  
“I heard you scream.” He says.  
Your eyes open and you look at him.   
“I screamed?” You ask, he nods and cocks his head to the side.   
“Hm” you shrug your shoulders. “Thanks for the input” you turn your head on your pillow to face the large figure standing in your doorway.  
“I’m just looking out for you” he answers and crosses his arms against his chest.  
“I know.” you say and close your eyes again.  
He leaves after a few moments, closing your door behind him.  
Your eyes open and you prop yourself on your elbows, head back as you look at the ceiling trying to piece back together the dream. It was already fleeting from your mind, as dreams do. But what was left was this man’s face. Thin and pale with a strong jawline. Emerald eyes and dark hair that curled at the ends. You close your eyes and try to concentrate on the tiny details, but the more you think about them, the more they change. You sigh and push yourself up out of bed, swinging your legs around, your feet hovering over the floor.  
Standing, you run a hand through your wild and ratted hair.   
You glance toward the clock sitting on your desk. 5:52am. Today was your day off from work and you had planned on being lazy. You were going to sleep in until the sun was hitting your face, but it was still dark outside. You frown and silently curse yourself for not telling your brother about the dream. You had read online that talking about dreams made them go away. You had a fear that it would go away, aside from the pain and the confusion it caused, you didn’t want the dream to completely go away, you wanted it to stay because of the man.

You move to your dresser and pull out a pair of pants and an oversized sweatshirt. You’re already up, might as well grab something to eat, get some homework done, something. There’s no way you’ll be able to go back to sleep.   
Walking down the hall, you hear Alastair in the kitchen. He never sleeps. Figures he’s up and already making breakfast, the television on. You sit down at the small table and watch him work.  
“Hungry?” He asks, turning towards you.  
You shrug although you could always eat. “Not really.”  
He grunts and turns back to the stove, flipping the eggs in the small skillet.  
You pick up the magazine laying on the table next to your arm. It’s from two months ago and you have already read it three times. Alastair demands on keeping it, something about commentary of the ‘alien invasion’ that happened in London.   
“You have books you can read” Alastair says carrying his plate to the table.   
You look up from the magazine and take in the amount of food he has on his plate. He is a big guy, but four eggs and a stack of pancakes with a side of four fruits seemed like too much even for him.   
“What do you have, like, four stomachs?” you ask him, sarcasm dripping from every word.   
“Cow.” You say, smiling and taking a piece of fruit from his plate.  
He shovels in a forkful and nods, mooing with a mouthful accidently dropping food out of his mouth.   
“Eww!” You exclaim “I don’t want to see it!” Alastair smiles brightly and shovels another forkful into his mouth. You look at him, disgusted, and stand up dropping the magazine back onto the table. As you head back to your bedroom for your school books, Alastair’s laughing follows you as you shut your door. You sit down at your desk open your history book. In your class, you’ve been learning about..oh god, you can’t even remember. You flip to the beginning of the chapter and start to read.  
Throughout the day, Alastair checks on you, bringing you lunch at one point which you nibble at, trying to find a distraction from the boring text in front of you. Your eyes start to blur, making all the text run together, and you feel yourself falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

A light rain falls outside and you place a hand on the window pane as cool arms slip under your arms and reach around your front, crossing at your middle. Cool kisses cover your shoulders and neck and you smile. It’s that man again. That thin, beautiful man. You don’t see his face, but you know it’s him. You rest your head against his as his hands rub your stomach. You look down at his hands and notice your stomach is plump and full of life. You feel him smile against your neck. He tells you that you’re beautiful. That you glow like the goddess you are. He turns you around slowly so you’re face to face with him, his eyes shine with so much love, you feel it deep down in your soul. He kneels, placing small kisses on your stomach. You smile and smooth his short raven locks. His eyes meet yours and he smiles.  
“He’ll be a strong warrior.” He says.  
“And if the babe is a girl?” You ask, smiling.  
He stands and kisses your cheek. “Then she will be as beautiful as her mother.” He whispers in your ear. You smile and wrap your arms around his neck.

You wake with a start and pick your head up off of your textbook looking around to see what woke you. You hear yelling outside your bedroom door. You recognize Alastair’s and your boyfriend’s voices and stand up taking quick strides across the room and swing the door open. 

“If you two don’t mind i am trying to study!” You say looking first at Alastair and then laying your eyes on your boyfriend, Andrew.   
“I-i wass just try-ing to come and ss-e you” he slurs. It’s obvious he’s been drinking again.But it wasn’t his speech that gave him, but his smell. You noticed the smell of strong alcohol and you knew it wasn’t Alastair because you’ve never seen him drink before.  
“You’re drunk.” You state, looking Drew from head to toe. You notice his bruised knuckles and cut lip “And you’ve been in a fight, quite a night you’ve had and it isn’t even-” You grab Alastair’s wrist and glance at the watch strapped to it. “It’s not even fucking ten o’clock yet” you raise your voice, letting go of Alastair’s arm. You’re glaring so hard at Andrew, you feel as if your eyes will drill a hole right through his.   
“i-im sssoryy babbby” he slurs trying to step closer, but tripping over his feet. Alastair catches him and looks down at you “You know he can’t leave here like this” he says  
you roll your eyes and step aside motioning with your arm for Alastair to carry the drunken mess that is your boyfriend into your room. He drags him in by his torso and lays him down on top of your lilac comforter. Once Alastair rids himself of your boyfriend he stands straight, towering over you brushing his hands off. He stares down at you and motions for you to wipe something off of your cheek. You stare at him and raise your hand to your cheek feeling something wet making strands of hair stick to your skin. you pull your hand away and look at it disgusted. Brushing the rest of the drool off of your cheek you look back up at your brother.  
“It’s a good thing he is drunk, if he had noticed that i wouldn’t have ever heard the end of it, thanks” You say and Alastair responds with a kind smile and nods his head once.   
“My pleasure” He says, turning toward your door to walk away, grabbing the side of the door to pull it shut. He stops in his tracks and turns his head to look at you “I know you can pretty much take care of yourself, but if he gives you any trouble remember that I will never be too far away to help you” He finishes and then shuts the door behind him not waiting for a response. 

You turn around studying the man on your bed. He doesn’t look much like the man from your dreams, so you know these dreams aren’t fantasies. You undress and crawl into bed with [insert name] closing your eyes. He wakes a little and puts his hand on your hip. His touch isn’t loving, but lustful and you push his wandering hand away from you.   
“Not tonight, Drew” you say firmly and you feel the bed shift as he turns his back to you.   
“You’re a worthless bitch” he whispers at you. His words used to pierce your heart, but over time calluses formed and now you just take the insults he throws your way when he is drunk hoping he doesn’t mean them when he repeats them in the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

A child screams in your arms, his face scrunched and angry. He’s been screaming forever and you’re so tired. You rock him in your arms, moving around the room, gently singing to him. Your eyes hurt and so does your back. He won’t stop screaming and he refuses to eat. It pains you to hear him cry, but you’ve run out of ideas. And you’re alone. His father is no longer around. He’s left you alone with this child. This child who won’t eat, won’t sleep, who’s skin is pale blue and cold and you’re not really sure why. You’ve heard what people say behind your back. “Jotun bastard”, they call your tiny child. “The Jotun’s whore” they call you. You close your eyes and can feel the tears start to run down your face as an ugly sob escapes your lips. There’s a small knock on the door and you turn. He’s standing there. The older brother of your lover. His face is one of sadness. As if he feels the pain you do.  
“You must rest.” he says, moving closer. You shake your head and tell him you’ll sleep when the babe does. He gives you a small smile and opens his arms, asking permission to hold the screaming infant. You slowly put the child in his arms, both of you looking down at the tiny face. He shifts the tiny baby in his arm as you run a hand through your hair.  
He puts a hand on your shoulder and you look at him.  
“Anna, please, rest.” He says.  
You nod and sit down on the nearby bed. You swing your legs into the bed as the childs high-pitched screams slowly stop. You look at him and he’s looking at the man holding him like there isn’t anyone else in the entire universe he’d rather have holding him. Pulling the covers up to your hips, you smile at the man, thanking him. He moves a strand of hair from your forehead.  
“Sleep well.” He says. 

You wake up to the moonlight shining through your window and start to rollover. That’s when you feel his hands inching up your leg, slowly. His fingers tracing invisible markings on your legs and going farther up to your thigh. He tries to turn you over and you smack his hand away swinging your legs off of the bed.   
“Get away from me, Andrew” you whisper back at him. You try to stand up but before you can, his hand reaches out and grabs your arm. You try to shake him free, but can't and he yanks you back down onto the bed. You lay on your back and he hovers over you. He runs his fingers down your face and you cringe.   
He leans down and whispers in your ear “You’re not going anywhere, bitch.” His fingers moving farther down to your belly. You try to kick him off but he pins your legs between his. Still hovering over you he begins to lift your shirt with his fingers. You try to wiggle out of his grip, but he grabs your hands and hold them over your head.   
“Can’t get away” he laughs and continues to lift your shirt. You wiggle again and try to call for Alastair, but you barely get his name out when Drew smacks you.   
“Don’t even think about-” suddenly there’s a loud crash and Alastair is standing in the doorway assessing the situation. He takes one step forward and before you know it he somehow has Drew in a headlock by the door.   
“You aren’t trying anything funny are you?” Alastair asks him. When Drew doesn’t answer he squeezes his arm tighter against his throat   
“ARE YOU?” Alastair yells. Andrew shakes his head as much as he can and Alastair pushes him out of his arms and out the door.   
“Get out!” he points down the hall to the front door. Andrew cowers and rushes to the front door. You hear it slam and know he is gone.   
Alastair walks over to your dresser and grabs some clothes tossing them at you, his eyes assessing the damage done. He lingers at the green bruises on your stomach and legs, before he can look any farther, you begin to dress.   
“Where are they from?” he asks you quietly, the anger no longer in his voice.  
“They’re nothing, I just fell” you answer quickly, trying to cover the bruises quickly with your clothes.   
Alastair stares at you, knowing he wants a better answer. You close your eyes.  
“I already told you, I fell.” you answer, getting frustrated with his persistence.   
“And what was the cause of said fall?” he asks you.  
You open your eyes and glare at him.   
“Maybe I’m clumsy.” you raise your voice “Can we stop talking? I’m tired.” Alastair isn’t surprised at your outburst and nods his head. He heads for your door.   
“Goodnight Anna” he says and walks out.  
But you can’t sleep. You’re too wired from the struggle and panic. You sit there, on the edge of the bed, your head in your hands and try to breathe normally, but you can feel the tears. You’ve taken this kind of abuse from the asshole you call your boyfriend for far too long. You should have never let him in.  
You think back to the day you first met. He was so different back then. He was kind and sweet. Sure, he was rough around the edges, but you had thought that maybe you could fix that.  
And in all honesty, you haven’t been together for long. Maybe two, maybe three months. Maybe you had moved too quickly. Maybe that was why he had changed and he wasn’t that sweet guy that you had crushed on when you saw him for the first time in your English class. You head swims with all these questions and you feel overwhelmed. You stand and head down the hall. Alastair’s on the couch, flipping through channels, and you snuggle up beside him, not saying a word. He puts his arm around you as if he knows how you feel. How terrible you feel. You close your eyes and just listen to the noise of the television.  
“He’s not allowed over here again.” Alastair states. You nod against him. You don’t want him to come back, anyway.  
“You’re not going to see him again.” Alastair continues. He hugs you closer. “You’re too good for him, anyway, Anna.”  
Your emotions run wild and you stifle a sob. Alastair pulls back slightly, alarmed by your sudden change. But he pulls you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to his chest. He lets you cry and holds you, slightly rocking the both of you. You pull back after a while and see his face. His eyebrows are knitted together and he looks very worried and unsure. Honestly, you can’t remember the last time you cried like this in front of him. Maybe you never had. You push your head back into his chest and close your eyes, trying to catch your breath from your sobbing fit. Alastair says nothing, just lets you calm down. With your outburst, you’re exhausted and within a short while, you’re breathing slows and you drift into a dream.


	4. Chapter 4

The sweet smell of roses fill your senses and you look up at the bright blue sky as you lay down on the blanket out in the middle of a garden. You close your eyes and breathe in the wonderful smell of all the flowers that grow around you. There’s a rustling and a grunt and your eyes open towards the sounds as you sit up. A small boy, around fifteen or so, with dark short hair comes waddling towards you, carrying a giant basket.  
“I wasn’t sure what you wanted,” he says, sitting the basket by your feet and sitting down himself “So I got a bit of everything Bera had in the kitchen.” His cheeks burn red and you laugh, thanking him. Opening the basket, you see that’s he’s filled it with several types of fruits and meats and cheeses. You take a blueberry from the basket and pop it in your mouth. He does the same.  
“This is so nice.” You say after a while and you smile at your surroundings. The birds chirp and the sun shines brightly and warmly on your skin.  
“I’m so glad you like it.” He says and he moves a bit closer. You notice the move, and cover his hand with yours, smiling.  
He blushes just as you do and you both sit there in silence, cheeks pink and hands tangled, looking at each other.  
The silence that follows isn’t one of awkwardness, but rather of contentment. You breathe in the day and the young boy who sits beside you as he smiles at a bird that’s landed nearby. He looks your way and catches you looking at him and smiles. You look away quickly, blushing. You peek a look at him and notice he’s still looking at you. Your eyes fall back to your clasped hands. You notice he’s leaning in a bit and you look at him from under your lashes and smile sweetly. You eyes move to his lips as he opens them to say something. Before he can, your lips are on his, a gutsy move on your part. You’ve wanted to kiss his thin pink lips for so long. He moves into the kiss but it’s broken too soon.   
“Am I interrupting something?” A blonde boy comes up, taking some berries from the basket as your lips are pulled away from the raven-haired boy’s.  
“Brother!” he shouts and tries to push him away. “You most certainly are interrupting! Leave!”  
The blonde just laughs and takes more berries.  
“Honestly,” You say and take the smaller boy’s hand. “It’s fine.”  
He glares at the blonde, who is still shoveling food into his mouth, and squeezes your hand.  
“And we have more than enough food.” You say, smiling. “I’m sure a bit of company won’t hurt much.”  
“Right!” The golden haired boy beams and nods his head. His response is met with a small sigh from his brother as you laugh.   
The day quickly fades and before you know it, the raven haired boy and you are alone as the sky above fades to a vibrant orange. He smiles at you and takes your hand again, hugging it to his chest as you move closer.  
“Can we try that again?” He asks, his eyes exploring your face. “That kiss.”  
You blush and nod and his lips take yours in a soft embrace.

You wake to a hand rubbing your shoulder. Your eyes open and Alastair is above you with a slight sweet smile.  
“It’s seven.” He says as he straightens. “Your class starts in an hour.”  
You sit upright too quickly and your vision blurs a bit, half in the real world, half in a dream. You shake your head as Alastair looks on.  
“I wasn’t sure if you’d be-” He starts, but your confusion is obvious.  
“If I’d be?”  
“If you’d be up for class because of what happened.” He says, quickly. “I know he’s in a lot of your classes. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see-”  
“I won’t let him get in the way of my classes.” you interrupt. “He’s nothing. We’re done.”  
You stand and Alastair lets you pass without a single word.  
In your room, you dress quickly and pull a brush through your hair, quickly throwing it up in a fiery ponytail. Walking out, you see that Alastair’s still standing in the living room.  
“Will-” you start and he turns to you. “Will you drive me today?”   
He smiles and nods as he grabs his keys and you pull on a hoodie.  
The car ride is quiet, but your mind is elsewhere.

A long pale hand pulls you into a bedroom. Once the door is shut, the only light comes from the moon shining through the window. Illuminating the silhouette of the thin beautiful man you have grown to love.   
“Hello.” you laugh as he grabs your hand and lead you to the bed.   
“What are we doing?” you ask. He stays quiet and you sit down on the bed.   
“You look beautiful.” he whispers, his hands messing with your hair and his eyes trailing down the dark blue silk of your dress.   
“I’m supposed to be at the ball with my friends.” you tease, “They might get curious if I’ve suddenly vanished.”   
He laughs and manages to release your hair out the elaborate braided bun you had it in as your legs hit the edge of the bed. You scoot back onto the bed and he follows, hovering above you.   
He laughs and looks at you.   
“I have no idea what I’m doing.” he says, embarrassment in his eyes.   
“I don’t either!” you giggle and go to lean up and kiss him.  
He starts to bend down and your heads meet in the middle with a thud. You pull away with your palm to your forehead, laughing.   
“That’s not how I imagined it.” he explains in a serious tone., silencing your laughter.  
You prop yourself up on your elbows, your hair falling longly down your shoulders.  
“And exactly how did you imagine this?” You ask in a teasing tone.   
He smiles and the serious attitude dissolves away. He pushes you back onto the bed and tells you not to move this time. Leaning down, he lays soft kisses on the corner of your mouth up to your jaw. When he gets to your ear he whispers softly, “I imagined it more like this”.  
Your breathing gets faster and your heart begins to race. He runs his finger down your neck, trailing it with light kisses. His hands fumble at the ties of your dress and he stops kissing you. He leans and looks extremely confused still messing with the laces.   
“Having trouble, are we?” you smile and go to pull his hands away. He shakes his head and pins your arms back to his sides   
“I can do this.” he whispers, determination in his voice. He continues to fumble and you lay there, him straddling you and your hands holding onto his sides as he tries to unknot the bodice laces. He gives up and rips the fabric from your body.  
You try to move and object to the ripped shreds of fabric, but he pins you down again and continues kissing your ear.   
“I’ll see to it you get a new one.” He says, “One with easier laces.” 

A hand on your shoulder brings you back to reality with a shaky breath. Your head whips around to Alastair looking at you.  
“Coffee?” He asks. You look around and realize he’s driven to a coffee shop not very fair away from your university. You give him a slight smile and nod.  
“Whatever you’ll have.” You tell him. He gives you a once over and leaves, money in hand. You wait in the car, your day dream still very fresh in your mind.   
You roll down the window slightly, giving yourself some fresh air as your mind still swims with...dreams? No, they seem too real to be mere dreams.  
What are they then?  
A baby’s scream rips you from your thoughts as you spot a struggling young mother with her small child making their way out of the coffee house.  
Something flashes in your mind’s eye and your breath quickens, your heart racing. You place you head in your hands as your tunnel fades.

Your child screams and cries, causing you to cry as well. He won’t stop and you’ve run out of ideas. You rock him in your arms, walking around the room.  
“Miss?” a small voice calls, and you turn towards it. “Might I take him? I could draw him a bath and you could rest.”  
At this point, you’ll take any sort of break you can get. You nod and place the baby into the little hand maiden’s arms. She’s rather young, but looks like she knows what she’s doing.  
“Mind his head.” You tell her. She nods and you sit down in the rocking chair in the corner, closing your eyes as you start to hear the water run.

You roll down the window more, trying to breathe in as much cool air as possible as your mind still speeds.

“Miss! Miss!” You jolt upright and rush towards the voice, still exhausted. You reach the washroom to see the young handmaid holding the young baby boy in her arms, his skin an angry purple.  
“I don’t know what happened!” She looks at you, her voice pleading. “He was fine and I turned around for a moment and he sunk under.”  
You reach out for your child and hold his small unmoving form to your chest tightly, searching for a heartbeat.  
“I-I didn’t mea-”  
“Enough!” You scream at her. She shrinks back, tears running down her face.  
You set him down on the bathroom floor and try to revive him, but nothing helps.  
“What should I do?” She asks, voice shaking.  
“Go get help.” You shout at her. “NOW!”  
She runs from the room as you, once again, try to get your child breathing again. You don’t stop until he’s there, the brother of your lover. You turn to look at him and he stares at the child’s unmoving body, horror-stricken.  
He kneels beside you, trying all he can as you look on, your heart broken and pounding out of your chest. He sits back on his heels after a while and looks at you and you know the look he gives you.  
“No.” You tell him and you start to shake. “NO!”  
“He’s gone, Anna.” He says and you shake your head.  
“No! Not my baby!” You scream at him, grabbing for the child and holding him close to your chest. “Not my-”

“Egil!” You scream and your heart pounds in your chest. Strong arms wrap around you and you fight them until you realize it’s Alastair.  
“Egil!” You shout again and you can’t help the hot tears that run down your face. “Egil.”


	5. Chapter 5

Alastair’s strong arms keep you on your feet and guide you to your room as the tears still stream down your face, your mind completely blank but a single name: Egil.  
He sits you on your bed and crouches down to pull off your shoes. You watch him as he pulls them off one by one and then looks up at you with a soft smile that doesn’t fully reach his eyes. He’s worried.  
“Who is Egil?” You ask him, your voice barely audible. “Alastair, who is Egil?”  
He sighs and looks down at the ground, staying in his crouch.  
“Is-” You start, but the words catch in your throat. You try again after a deep breath. “Is he...mine?”  
Alastair stands suddenly and you follow his movements with your eyes.  
“I cannot answer your questions, Anna.” He says and heads for the door. You start to follow, but he turns and puts his hand out, stopping you. “Stay here.”  
You blink at him and start to object when he closes the door behind him and you can hear the lock click. You reach for the handle and try to twist, but it doesn’t work. He’s locked you in.  
“I’m sorry, Anna.” You hear him say, then his footsteps become faint.  
You try the door again, shaking and pulling the handle as hard as you can when something crosses your mind.

“You and I?” His voice is small. “We can’t…” He looks at you with sad green eyes. “We can’t do this anymore.”  
“W-what?” You shake your head and he puts a hand on your knee where he’s sat you on the bed and kneels before you.  
“Love.” he says. “Don’t make this difficult. It’s just-” his eyes lower and his voice hardens. “We’re too different, you and I.”  
“No.” You tell him. “Don’t do this. Don’t-” You begin to stand, but he puts a hand on your chest, forcing you to sit as he looks up at you again.  
“If this is about what your father said-” He cuts you off with a finger to your lips and a serious look. He lowers it and speaks.  
“Listen to me.” He says sternly. “You are a servant. I am a prince. We never would have worked. This has nothing to do with father. It’s better this way.”  
He stands, looking down at you. Your eyes prick with hot tears and your vision is blurred. He turns and starts to walk away, but you lunge for his wrist, trying to pull him back to you. He pulls his wrist harshly from your grasp and leaves you sobbing. You scream his name angrily as one hand covers your mouth from openly sobbing even more, and the other hand rest on your belly.

You shake your head, trying to rid your mind of the terrible, heart wrenching thought. You don’t realize you’re shuffling backwards until you trip over your discarded shoes and topple to the ground, hitting the back of your head on the edge of your desk, a school book falling onto your lap, knocking the wind from your lungs.

You turn as the door bursts open and he stands in front of you, golden horns gleaming in the light from the hall. He smiles brightly at you and saunters in, enveloping you in a great hug that throws you off. Why his sudden want for you after so many months of ignoring you, avoiding you, keeping his distance?  
He sets you down on your feet, stretching away from you so he can see you face which is full of confusion.  
“I come with great news, my love.” he says.  
“I do not underst-” You begin, but his lips placed on yours silences you.  
He breaks the kiss, moving away from you a bit, still smiling.  
“Father is under a deep sleep, leaving me in charge.” He pauses, waiting for a reaction.  
You have none. You stare at him blankly.  
He clears his throat, and steps closer, a arm winding around your lower waist and pulling you to him.  
“My love,” he says and kisses your throat. “My little dove. Be my queen.”  
You push yourself away from him, anger and confusion knotting in your stomach.  
“Rule by my side. Come be with me.” He says and steps closer as you step back. “Anna-”  
You push him away harshly, your head spinning from the last couple of months of isolation and the sudden turnaround.   
It is a while before you speak again.   
“Is this a game to you?” You ask him, not meeting his eyes. “Am I to wait on your approval- rather the approval of you father- for you to show your affections?”  
He blinks and tries to wrap an arm around you again, but you shove him away, making him stumble.  
“I will not.” You tell him. The anger in your stomach bubbles up as words spill from your mouth. “I will not be your dove. Or your love. And I will certainly not be your queen!” You spit at him.  
“Lov-I.” He stammers as his eyes lower. “I did not mean-”  
“Did you not mean to rip my heart from my chest?” You shout. “Did you not mean to give me this child and then leave both of us as if it were just a simple thing to do? All because you are a prince and I a servant?”  
He says nothing and his eyes remain low.  
“Look at me!” You cry out, tears pricking your eyes, but your demand is only met with silence.  
And then you say it. Without knowing, without realizing, you say it.  
“LAUFEYSON!” You scream at him.  
The name slips from your mouth before you can stop it. His head jerks and and you see the hurt in his eyes dissolve and it is quickly replaced with anger and hate. The back of his hand connects with your face in a stinging slap and you are thrown back by the force.  
“Give me such a monstrous name!” He shouts coming closer.  
“Name me for the monster I am?” He closes the distance as your head hits the wood side of the table behind you and bounces, the noise echoing inside your head. When you land you look up at the man you love and see that he is shocked by his own actions. You go to reach your hand out to him to tell him no more, that you’re hurt, that you’re sorry for letting such a title slip your lips. But you don’t because you can’t. Every limb feels numb and heavy. Realizing what he’s done, he rushes and kneels down beside you, his hands hovering around your face as if he is afraid to touch you. He puts one arm below your back to support you as he lifts you to his chest. His other arm resting above your swollen belly. His emerald eyes bore into yours. His shocked expression has been replaced by fear and you can see tears rolling down his cheeks. Your eyelids start to feel heavy and your vision starts to blur. You feel his hand on your cheek as he wipes a warm liquid away and you hear him repeating “I’m sorry.. my love..I did not mean... I’m so sorry...all my fault...I’m sorry...my love...I’m sorry.” 

You shove the book off of your stomach, stand suddenly, and quickly reach for the door again.  
“Alastair!” You scream. “Let me out! Alastair!”  
Tears cloud your vision and you rest your forehead against the door.  
“What do I do?” You hear your brother’s voice through the door although it is muffled. “She has questions I cannot answer.”  
You push your ear against the door, straining to hear more.   
“I know. I don’t know what went wrong.” He sighs. “Do you think it’s because of what happene-”   
There is silence and you lower yourself to the floor, pressing your ear against the gap between the door and the floor.You can hear the floor creak as he paces and then stops abruptly.  
“She’s remembering.” He says.


	6. Chapter 6

The gasp that leaves your lips is audible.  
“Anna?” Alastair asks. “Anna? Are you-” He quiets and you stagger away from the door. Your head spins and your breath comes out in shallow gasps.  
“Right.” Alastair says. “Yes, sir.” You hear a button beep and Alastair sighs.  
“Anna?” He starts, and you hear his head fall quietly against the door. “We’re going to figure this out. I promise.”  
You shake your head as your mind is invaded by more visions.

“Now love,” says the woman holding your hand as you hold your little doll tightly to your chest. “You mustn’t be afraid of the All-Father and his family. They’re going to take care of you. To watch over you.”  
You look up at her as the two of you stop before two giant golden doors.  
“Will you be there too?” You ask her, your voice small and quiet.  
She crouches down next to you and moves a strand of hair behind your ear.  
“I will.” She says and smiles.  
“Will my mommy and daddy?” You ask and her smile fades a bit.  
“Oh love. No. No they won’t.” She tells you. Your eyes fall to the floor, to where your little naked feet chill on the cold tiles. “But I’ll tell you what?” She lifts your chin, her smile returned. “After you meet Odin and his family, we’ll go visit my good friend Bera in the kitchens. Get you something yummy to eat.”  
Your stomach rumbles and you nod with a half-hearted smile. She raises from her stance, smoothing her skirt and nodding at a young guard standing beside the giant doors.   
The door opens and your vision is filled with thick rich deep colors of gold as you look around, your grip on the woman’s hand tightening.  
“Do not be afraid, heart.” She says. She begins to walk forward and you scramble to keep her pace. She stops in front of a man. He is seated on some sort of grand golden chair. His hair is slightly graying and he wears a golden patch on his eye. He leans forward, looking you over, then looks at the woman.  
“Gretta,” he says. His voice is loud and you jump. “When you told me that they had a daughter, I was not expecting such a small girl.”  
You shrink back, half hiding behind Gretta’s skirts.  
“My king, regardless of size, I know this youngling will be of great service to you.” She looks down at you fondly and back up at the man. “I wish to raise her as my own. I owe her mother that much at least. Grant me this, please, All-Father.”  
Before he can answer, two young boys come running in, both waving wooden swords around. As the blonde chases the dark haired, both screaming and laughing, you watch them play, spinning around in Gretta’s grasp to follow their movements.  
“Boys!” The king bellows, making you jump and look worriedly at Gretta. The boys immediately stop in their tracks.  
“Take your games outside.” He says sternly. “And take your new friend as well.”  
The boys look at you and you shrink back.  
Gretta wiggles your arm she holds. “Go on Anna.” She smiles. “Go have fun with the two.”  
The blonde boy motions for you as he starts to run towards the golden door, the ravened right behind him.  
“Go on!” Gretty smiles and releases your hand. You smile and chase after the duo.

You don’t know how long you’ve been standing there in the middle of your room, but the weariness in Alastair’s voice as he calls your name tells you it’s been some time.  
“I-I’m fine.” You tell him, your voice is nearly a whisper, so you try again. “I’m fine.”  
You sit down on your bed, you head bent and eyes closed.

“Why is your hair so bright?” The blonde boy asks, lazily picking at the skin of an apple with his fingernails. You shrug and he eyes you. “Did it catch fire?” He laughs and tosses the apple aside. “Playing too close to the fire?” He gets to his feet quickly, taking strands of your hair in his fingers and tugging. You cry out and the raven haired boy jumps up, his toys flying in every direction as he rushes to you.  
“Stop it, brother!” He shouts, swatting at the older’s hands as tears run down your face from such teasing.  
The younger sits beside you on his knees, resting back on his heels as he smudges away some of your tears, a small smile on his face while the older laughs.  
“Only a bit of fun!” He says, tugging on your hair again.  
His brother gives him a pointed look and smacks his hand hard.  
“No more.” He says sternly, causing his older to laugh and walk away.  
Turning once more to you, his face is soft, but your vision is blurred by tiny tears he wipes away with his hands.  
“Don’t cry.” He says, but you’ve begun to hiccup from your tears. He looks around, spotting your doll and raising is before you. His eyebrows raise, offering it to you and you take it from him with a small hiccup.  
“Would you like to see something?” He asks, his voice soft. You eye him cautiously, but nod.  
He asks for your doll and you hand it over slowly. He placed it on the ground between the two of you and small green glowing strands snaking from his palms.   
Your doll stands and twirls before you, your eyes big and full of wonder. You look at him with a huge smile on your face, his eyes meeting yours and he smiles back.


End file.
